Tags: women, listening, relationships, personal growth, women’s history

"Like their personal lives,women’s history is fragmented, interrupted; a shadow of history of human beings whose existence has been shaped by the efforts and the demands of others." ~Elizabeth Janeway

This is Women’s History Month…and like so many other months it seems like it has gone unnoticed!

Sure, women have been mentioned in the media, here and there, with the First Lady acknowledging National Women’s Day…and yet…THIS IS WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH!

There’s more coverage with Martin Luther King’s birthday, Black History Month, St. Patrick’s Day,
Cinco de Mayo, than WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH! What’s up with that? Am I missing something?
NO! unfortunately…we "sisters-of all races, creed and colors" have not raised enough "hell" to get
this month recognized consistently and effectively as we know how to do.

If men don’t want to “tick” women off, don’t ignore H U R!

H = (to be) Heard
U = (to be) Understood
R = (to be) Respected

OK! So now it’s H U R turn! This is not “news” and…it is information that is essential to a successful and continuously satisfying relationship with women. Studies have indicated that women score very high on the verbal index on exams. When I was a young child, very bright and precocious, I would bring home my report card with 95% A’s academically and “F” in behavior. How come? I “talked” too much. Well after many “F’s” and time-outs, I discovered that when people took the time to let me know I had been heard, I didn’t have the “need/drive” to talk so much.

This discovery “being heard” was used in selecting the boys/men I would date and who would “make-it” with me. The men who listened and let me know they “heard” me were the ones who were successful in relationship with me. So fellows–a word to the wise–”shut up and listen!” Let her know she’s been heard.

DO NOT use the careless statement “I hear you.” Instead, say “I want to make sure I heard you” then repeat what you think you heard. This will begin to provide a solid foundation for a successful two-way conversation.

H=(to be) Heard : pay attention to; be aware of the existence of.

Women have been socialized (the 20th century female) to be seen and “not heard”. Studies have indicated that in a mixed gender group, men with women, women tend to be less vocal and assertive with their ideas and opinions.

When a woman has the experience of being paid attention to and the listener, male or female is aware, values and considers what she has to say, she experiences “being heard.”

During my workshop called the POW (Possibility of Woman), there is an exercise called “the Angel Chair.” During this exercise the participant spends 20-25 minutes “being heard.”

The consistent

feedback from women who participate in this exercise is that they have the experience of

“being heard” which allowed them to free themselves from past communication blocks, stress and tension. They have expressed a sense of calm, trust and well-being once they’ve “been heard.”

U=(to be)Understood: (past tense of understand) – perceived the significance, explanation, cause and intended meaning of the words of the speaker.

There is a “myth” that to “understand” a woman is to “agree” with a woman. Simply stated, understand the significance/importance to her by what she means by what she’s saying.

Too often, so-called listeners, rush in to re-interpret, fill in and finish the sentence; make up what she means, instead of asking what she means by a certain word, phrase or concept.

Asking a woman what she means from a place of clarity, instead of a place of having to defend herself increases her comfort in communicating

and contributing her ideas freely. Instead of saying “what do you mean by that?”–ask “for my clarity, what does that mean to you?” I promise, you’ll receive a more open and honest response instead of a reaction.

R=(to be) Respected: a high or special regard; esteemed–the quality or state of being esteemed.

Women enjoy having the experience of being respected without having to “go into combat” or have to “fight” to have their opinions, perspectives respected. Her point of view is an important factor in how she “relates” to her environment.

The female gender knows herself “best” through relationship. Respecting how she perceives something is also a part of how she perceives/relates to herself. I

have conducted over 500+ workshops for women and what’s been expressed by women is the importance of respect for who they are and how they do things without having to “fix” who they are.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T- (thanks Aretha!) spells support and safety.

Thank you for listening!

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